Hi there,
I’m seeking a like-minded woman to share a disastrous 3-9 month relationship with, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.
My name is Lloyd, I live in Chicago , I’m 27 years old, fairly well educated, I hold down a good job and am pretty stable. I’m told I’m fairly good looking, but I’ll let you be the judge of that - I’m generally caring and very honest.
I am looking for an attractive female who will at first give me obsessive love, praise and devotion - but whose paranoia, self-loathing and fear of rejection and abandonment will eventually lead her to alternately push me away and pull me closer in a love/hate cycle that will lead to infidelity, consensual sexual violence, and the eventual emotional breakdown of one or other party - or if we’re lucky - both!
You should:
* be 20 to 35 years old;
* have a history of short, intense, drama-driven relationships;
* enjoy degrading and dehumanizing sex;
* have undergone negative psychiatric evaluations in the past; and
* be willing to threaten self-harm and/or annihilation as a weapon to control your partner and make them stay with you and care for you.
Although not completely necessary, I would prefer women:
* with nice smiles;
* that have larger than average breasts;
* who are married or already in unstable relationships;
* that drink to forget; and
* who have had a previous established diagnosis of Borderline or Dependent Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Affective Disorder - or who are currently taking Lithium Carbonate, SSRIs, or Tri-cyclic antidepressants
If you think you meet these requirements (and wow, I’m getting excited just writing them!), please don’t hesitate to get back to me as soon as possible. In the meantime, thank you for reading my advert, and do take care.
All the best,
Lloyd
posted by Picky Picky @ 9:43 r.n.
2 Comments:
that's hilarious
Hi there,
My name’s Nikolai, I posted this advert originally. Just to let you know, I found my soulmate through it - genuinely - and it’s quite a story.
The advert was plagiarised many times, by many people. It keeps on being copied, and mutated slightly each time. It’s fun watching it happen. This version is what I call a "second generation" copy - it includes the "neon sign" ps, something I put into my second version of the ad. The first generation copies lack it.
Well, anyway, my (now) fiancee saw the advert, posted by someone else, in Cape Town of all places. She wrote him, but became suspicious when he had little to say for himself, despite posting a literate, witty advert. So she asked a friend about it, who said she’d seen it before on gumtree. Fortunately I posted it on my blog (http://thebreadoflife.blogspot.com), so she managed to find me and tell me about the plagiarism.
Amazingly, we hit it off, she's 5 months pregnant with my first child, and now plan to spend our lives together. Funny how things work out. I’m now writing to everyone who’s plagiarised the advert to thank them - and let them know how successful their efforts have been for me. And so I’ve been searching for the ad on Google. And that’s how I got to you.
All the best,
Nikolai
ps. She’s not even insane, despite the advert! :-)
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